Now I Know My ABCs
by Kawaii-babi
Summary: A bunch of little shorts with every letter of the alphabet... and of course, South Park
1. A is for annoying

_**Disclaimer: **__Don't own South Park or anything related to it. I also don't own the Alphabet:)_

**A is for Annoying**

"Can you hear me now?" Kenny asked the person on the other line. The person sighed for the umpteenth time.

"I no hear you! Solly! I don't speak English!" The person on the other line shouted through the static. Kenny moved three steps to the left and then he stepped forward.

"How about now? Can you hear me now?" Kenny asked.

"I NO HEAR YOU! GOMEN NASAI! NO SPEAK ENGLISH!" The person yelled. Kenny then went in a corner and stood on his head.

"Can you hear me now?" Kenny asked again.

"I hear you! Hello! My name-a Kyko! What is-a your name?"

"My name is Kenny! I'm using my boyfriend's cell phone right now! It's the new Chocolate phone!" Kenny proudly announced. The Japanese girl on the other line sighed.

"That old thing? That-a came out in nineteen-a eighty tree!" Kyko announced. Kenny groaned and started walking on his hands.

"Well, it's new here in America…" Kenny said.

"Well-a, Amelica is very-a primitive!" Kyko announced. Before Kenny could retort, he heard the front door slam.

"Listen, Kyko, I gotta go! I'll call you back later! Bye!" Kenny said hurriedly. Suddenly, Damien walked into the room, pissed as hell.

"KENNY! Where's my chocolate phone?" Damien asked. Kenny shrugged, while still upside down. Suddenly, Damien's Chocolate phone fell out of Kenny's parka. Damien glared at Kenny and grabbed the cell phone, and then kicked Kenny in the stomach. Kenny toppled over and clutched his stomach. Damien pressed re-dial and groaned.

"Japan? Do you know how much this is going to fucking cost? God, Kenny! You're so fucking annoying!" Damien exclaimed. He then walked out of the room and slammed the door.


	2. B is for big boned

**B is for Big Boned**

"Cartman, we've seriously enough of you with eating all our Twinkies!" Stan said to Cartman.

"Yeah!" Kenny exclaimed. Cartman glared at Kenny, and then he chucked his spork at him, which hit him on the forehead, but didn't kill him.

"OW! THAT FUCKING HURT!" Kenny yelled, and then he ran out of the cafeteria. Cartman then looked at Stan and Kyle.

"YOU WANNA MESS WITH ME, YOU DOUCHE BAGS?" Cartman yelled.

"YEAH! Stop eating our Twinkies, fat ass!" Kyle yelled.

"I'M NOT FAT YOU FUCKING GAY JEW! I'M BIG BONED!" Cartman exclaimed.

"You ARE big, but I'm not sure that's all bone." Stan said. Cartman glared.

"What did you say, fruit cup?" Cartman asked. Stan grinned and got up on the table.

"I said: YOU'RE FAT, OBESE, OVER-WEIGHT, A WHALE, A HIPPOPOTAMUS, AN ELEPHANT, A CROSSBREED BETWEEN A WHALE A HIPPOPOTAMUS AND AN ELEPHANT!" Stan yelled. Everyone in the cafeteria gasped and started whispering and giggling.

"SHUT UP!" Cartman yelled. Everyone's laughter just got louder and louder. "I'M NOT FAT! I'M BIG BONED!" Cartman yelled, tears threatening to fall. Before anyone could say anything else, he ran out of the cafeteria as fast as his fat ass legs would let him. All anyone could hear were loud footsteps slowly fading and Cartman yelling 'big boned! Big boned!'


	3. C is for come again?

**C is for Come Again?**

Butters Stotch was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a yummy vanilla ice cream in a chocolate sprinkle cone. What he didn't notice was that it was dripping all over his new shirt, and he only found out when it was too late to just rinse it out with soap and water. Afraid that his parents might ground him, he quickly ran to his room to change his shirt, and then he ran to the nearest Laundromat to get it cleaned. On his way there, he bumped into a person who was eating a sandwich with extra mayo, which dripped all over the already dirty shirt.

"Awe shucks…" Butters said, and then he resumed walking to the Laundromat. As he was walking, someone (probably Cartman) flung the white stuff from a Cadbury egg at him (that's the yucky part) but Butters put the shirt up in front of his face, so the white stuff only hit his shirt. He frowned at the shirt, and then he continued his journey to the Laundromat. Finally, he got there and walked in, and he was relieved to find that there was almost no one there. He walked up to the counter and placed it on the counter.

"I stained my shirt." Butters said to the guy at the counter, whose nametag said 'Patrick'. Patrick raised his eyebrow at the little blonde.

"Come again?" Patrick asked. Butters blushed and began rubbing his knuckles together.

"Nope… just ice cream, mayo and the white stuff from the Cadbury eggs this time." Butters said timidly.


	4. D is for double Ds

**D is for Double Ds**

Ms. Garrison walked into class with an extremely thick coat on. Everyone in the class was confused about this, because usually, their teacher liked to show off her, for lack of a better word, rack.

"All right! All right you little douche bags! Settle down!" Mr. Garrison said, even though the class was already silent. A little TOO silent, which could drive anyone insane.

"Are you all on riddalin again?" Ms. Garrison asked. Everyone shook their heads. Pip timidly raised his hand.

"Yes?" Ms. Garrison asked. Pip shuffled his feet.

"Mr.… er- miss Garrison, why are you wearing a jacket?" Pip asked. Ms. Garrison sighed.

"Well, you kids know that I'm a woman, right?" Ms. Garrison asked. Everyone hesitantly nodded.

"Well, since I'm a woman, I'm expected to have a rather large chest area. And… I am… wasn't, up to par with that. So last night, I got…" Ms. Garrison began to undo the buttons on the jacket. "A boob job!" Ms. Garrison announced, opening the jacket. Everyone gasped.

"AGH! DOUBLE DS!" Tweak screamed.


	5. E is for Evil

**E is for Evil**

"But Damien, won't we get caught?" Pip asked as Damien pulled him into the janitor's closet. Damien grinned.

"Come ON Pip, you know you want to." Damien said. Pip looked around the closet uncomfortably.

"Don't you find that it's a LITTLE cramped in here?" Pip asked. Damien rolled his eyes and moved closer to the blonde.

"What, are you claustrophobic or something?" Damien asked. Pip shook his head.

"No, it's just that…" Pip started and then blushed. Damien stared at him.

"What's the matter, Pipernickle?" Damien asked. Pip sighed.

"What if we get caught?" Pip asked. Damien laughed.

"That just makes it that much more fun, knowing that we could get caught." Damien stated. Pip forced a smile.

"Well, if you say so." Pip said. Damien smirked and let his hand wander downwards to Pip's thigh. Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal Eric Cartman, who was standing there with a smug look on his face.

"Well well well. If it isn't the fags of Christmas past. What are you two GAY shas doing in here?" Eric asked sarcastically. Damien rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away from Pip's pocket to reveal a white Darth Vader PSP.

"Dude, we were JUST going to play PSP. Now, close the door so that Pip and I can play our fucking games!" Damien exclaimed. Eric groaned and closed the closet door. As soon as it closed, Pip giggled.

"What's so funny, Pipsickle?" Damien asked. Pip grinned.

"You're so evil." Pip said. Damien smirked.

"If I was so evil, I'd fuck you right here so hard that the whole school will hear you screaming my name." Damien said. Pip blushed and looked down at the ground. It was quiet for a moment and then…

"I still think that you're evil." Pip said with a smirk.


	6. F is for Fro Fetish

**F is for Fro Fetish**

_Written by Guest Writer Michelle Berger! Yay She's so awesome!_

Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman, after begging their parents for money, had all purchased tickets for the latest Terrance and Phillip film and sat eagerly in the theatre, watching as the previews floated by.

Although the theatre was almost completely empty, Cartman was constantly stealing Kyle's popcorn, so the jew moved down a row in frustration, taking a seat in front of Cartman so that he could still talk to his friends and avoid being hassled for popcorn.

"But Kyyyyyyyyle…"

The jew didn't have to listen to his friend's whining for long. The previews finished soon, and the four were all too soon greeted by the familiar faces of the now aging Terrance and Phillip. The boys, now sixteen each, had watched their favourite duo age over the years. Now, Terrance was even wider and balding, and Phillip grey with a beard.

No matter what, the four teens still loved every last fart joke, and the new movie was always worth the eight dollars it cost to get in, even if this was their seventh time seeing it. However, no matter how many times Cartman had seen it, he didn't want his view obstructed, and Kyle's large, red fro that was currently out of his usual green hat was stopping the fat boy's enjoyment.

"FUCKING FRO!" Cartman annoyed after minutes of trying to re-arrange his friend's hair to aide his view. Luckily, no one was around to be offended, except for Kyle, who scooted down a seat. Now, Stanley's view was blocked. Stan didn't seem to mind, and instead, began to play with his friend's curly auburn locks.

Kenny arched an eyebrow at this, but chose to shake it off as he returned his gaze to the film. Throughout the entire feature-length movie, Stan's fingers seemed to always be tangled in the redhead's hair.

"That was GREAT!" Kenny jumped to his feet the second the credits began to roll, "Every time it gets funnier!"

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, standing up. Stan seemed a bit disappointed at having his fingers left with no fro to play with. "C'mon guys, let's go home. My mom didn't want me out late."

The gang began to walk home, Kenny leaving first as they passed through the rough parts of town and stopped at his house. Cartman was second to go, however he didn't leave them at his own home, rather heading over to Bebe's home upon smelling the sweet smell of a BBQ coming from her backyard and hoping he could casually invite himself in.

Thus, Stan and Kyle continued to walk alone, heading down to Stanley's house. Kyle stopped in front of his best friend's house, quickly grabbing hold of Stan's hand. The jew looked around, checking into the dark to make sure no one was watching before he leaned in to kiss the dark haired boy. With Stan's lips slightly parted, the jew's tongue was able to explore.

Stanley smiled into the kiss, and as Kyle pulled away, he knew exactly what the boy was going to say. He said it every time.

"Your fucking fro fetish is gonna get us caught some day."


	7. G is for Grease

**G is for Grease**

Eric Cartman had a secret. Not one of those little ones, like crushes or bladder problems. Not something like 'I'm gay.' No, this secret was even bigger than Cartman's waist size.

Eric Cartman was waiting at the bus stop listening to his Ipod when Kyle came along.

"Hey dude." Kyle said monotonically, but Cartman wasn't paying attention. He was way too absorbed in his music. Kyle picked up a stick and poked him. Cartman pulled out his ear buds and scowled.

"What the FUCK do you want?" Cartman asked. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"I was just saying hi. Geese!" Kyle exclaimed. Cartman rolled his eyes and put one of his ear buds back in.

"So, dude… what are you listening to?" Kyle asked, reaching for the ear bud that was dangling loose. Cartman's eyes went wide and he quickly snatched it away from Kyle.

"NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Cartman yelled. Kyle backed away and put his hands up in defense.

"You don't have to go all Naomi Campbell on me." Kyle said. Kenny came skipping merrily up the street, followed by Stan, who was munching on a cookie.

"What's got you so happy, man?" Kyle asked.

"Haven't died for 2 weeks." Came the muffled sound of Kenny's voice. Stan rolled his eyes and continued munching on his cookie. Cartman was on the side, bobbing his head to the music. Kenny was about to ask what he was listening to and Kyle stopped him.

"Dude, don't even TRY it." Kyle warned. Kenny sighed and then looked on the street and saw a doughnut. He ran onto the middle of the street and grabbed it, and just as he turned around to come back, the bus came by and ran him over. By now, they had gotten so used to him dying that they didn't react to it anymore, and they all just got on the bus.

.o.O.o.

"What do you think Cartman's listening to?" Kyle asked Stan. Stan shrugged and put the last of his cookie in his mouth.

"No fucking clue. Maybe I should go…" Stan said, but then was interrupted by Kyle.

"Dude, if you ask him, you might end up like Kenny. Dude, don't be like gum on the street. Please… just don't." Kyle pleaded over dramatically. Stan rolled his eyes and grinned.

"Whatever." Stan replied. Suddenly, Cartman started humming a familiar tune, but neither Kyle nor Stan could quite put their finger on it. There was only one option left.

Steal Cartman's Ipod.

Sounds suicidal, right? You'd have to be an idiot to do something that stupid or dangerous. You'd have to be naïve, young, dumb, blonde… you'd have to be…

Butters.

.o.O.o.

"Come on Butters! You can do this!" Kyle said. Butters rubbed his knuckles together.

"Awe shucks, guys! Can't you get Kenny to do this?" Butters asked. Stan shook his head.

"He died again this morning." Stan said. Butters sighed.

"All right, fellas, but on ONE condition." Butters said. Kyle and Stan glanced at each other and shrugged.

"You name it." Kyle said. Butters grinned.

"No more hot wheels in condoms up my ass while I'm sleeping." Butters said. Kyle groaned.

"But-"

"Either you stop putting that stuff up my ass, or you're not getting that mp3 thingymajigger." Butters said. Kyle sighed.

"Fine. You win. Now… Go get Cartman's Ipod." Kyle said. Butters nodded and walked out of the boy's bathroom with some toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

.o.O.o.

"Uh… hey Cartman." Butters said shyly. Cartman looked up from his Ipod and groaned.

"Oh great. It's you." Cartman said sarcastically. Butters beamed.

"Well- er- it's nice to see you too, Eric. Say… that's one shiny Ipod. Mind if I take a look?" Butters asked. Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Will it get you to shut up?" Cartman asked. Butters nodded ecstatically.

"Then here you go." Cartman said, handing the shiny blue Ipod to Butters. Butters grinned and sped off.

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" Butters yelled as he sprinted down the halls. Cartman tried to follow, but he got tired after just a few seconds.

"GIVE IT BACK, FAG!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

.o.O.o.

"You seriously got Cartman's Ipod? You're not pulling our legs?" Stan asked. Butters gulped and shook his head.

"Naw, it's his alright." Butters said. Kyle snatched it from the little blonde boy and turned it on. He looked through the artists and rolled his eyes.

"This isn't Cartman's… this is some random chick's Ipod!" Kyle exclaimed. Stan nudged Kyle.

"Dude, on the back it says 'Property of Eric Cartman.' I think it's his." Stan said. Kyle smirked.

"Wow, I never thought Cartman as that type." He said, as he showed the list of songs to Stan. Stan grinned.

Eric Cartman had a secret. That secret was…

He was obsessed with Grease.

_This sounded a LOT funnier in my head. Oh well… I hope you guys like this. John Travolta rules! He is, like, the BEST actor out there… if you have any suggestions for H, please, go ahead and voice your opinions._

_XOX_

_Kawaii-babi_


	8. H is NOT for Hore

**H is NOT for Hore**

"CARTMAN! CAN YOU JUST **LISTEN **TO ME FOR ONE FRIGGEN SECOND?" Kyle exclaimed. Cartman just looked up and continued painting his toenails blue.

"Why would I listen to you, you fucking Jew?" Cartman asked. Kyle was getting so mad, you could almost see the vein popping out of his head.

"Because you're PAYING me to tutor you!" Kyle stated. Cartman looked at Kyle and then continued painting his toes.

"Now, why would I ask a stupid Jew to tutor me when I could ask anyone else?" Cartman asked. Kyle saw a baseball bat on the floor and fought the urge to pick it up.

"Because you asked everyone else and they refused to help a lost cause like you?" Kyle asked sarcastically. Cartman glared at him.

"That's 1$ off per hour." Cartman said. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"I don't HAVE to help you. You could just go in tomorrow and fail your spelling test. See if I care." Kyle said. Cartman sighed and put the nail polish down.

"FINE! But don't take too long. Terrance and Phillip is gonna be on soon." Cartman said. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, man. Okay, so, how do you spell… illegitimate?" Kyle asked. Cartman just sat there and stared at Kyle.

"Cartman?" Kyle asked. Cartman started to drool.

"EWW! DUDE!" Kyle exclaimed. He picked up a shoe and chucked it at Cartman, hitting his right between the eyes.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?" Cartman exclaimed. Kyle groaned.

"How do you spell illegitimate?" Kyle asked. Cartman picked up a bag of cheesy poofs and started eating them.

"Cartman?" Kyle asked.

"I-l-l-e-m-a-t-e." Cartman said proudly. Kyle rolled his eyes and circled the word in his book.

"We'll get back to that word later." Kyle said as he flipped through his book. Suddenly, he fell upon a word he thought that Cartman would know.

"Okay… how do you spell whore?" Kyle asked. Cartman grinned.

"H-O-R-E!" Cartman exclaimed. Kyle groaned.

"No, Cartman. It's W-h-o-r-e." Kyle said. Cartman glared at him.

"No… It's H-O-R-E!" Cartman exclaimed.

"W" Kyle argued

"H" Cartman argued back

"W"

"H!" Cartman's mom came into the room with a plate of cookies.

"Would you boys like some cookies?" Cartman's mom asked. Cartman nodded and Stan rolled his eyes.

"Play nice boys!" She said, and then she exited the room.

"It's W-H-O-R-E." Kyle said after a moment of silence.


	9. I is for It's Stuck

**I is for It's Stuck**

Sheila Broflovski walked into the house with an arm full of groceries and a smile on her face. Matisyahu was coming to town and she had just bought 5 tickets. One for her, one for her husband, one for Ike and one for Kyle and a friend, though none of them really liked the Jewish rapper. She put the groceries away and went upstairs to tell Kyle the good news. She opened his bedroom door, but he wasn't there. She then walked to the bathroom and was about to knock when she heard a groan.

"Stan, only you of all people could have gotten THAT stuck in my…" The voice of Kyle said

"Dude! Just shut up and help me get it out!" Stan whined.

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO! Do you think I want my mom to come home and see THIS?" Kyle exclaimed. Sheila gasped.

"No I don't! Seriously! Your mom would KILL us if she saw what we…"

"I THINK I GOT IT!" Kyle exclaimed. "Okay, Stan turn your…"

"It's not THAT flexible!" Stan exclaimed.

"Well, I'm not the one who's managed to get stuck in my…"

"SHUT UP! It's not my fault it's so tight!" Stan said.

"KYLE!" Stan exclaimed. Sheila couldn't help herself. She opened the door a bit and saw both boys leaning over the sink, Stan in back of Kyle.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sheila asked. Both boys turned around and smiled guiltily.

"Hi Mrs. Broflovski!" Stan said with his hand in the sink.

"Hi mom!" Kyle said. Sheila glared at the two teens.

"I repeat: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" She asked. Kyle bit his lip.

"We didn't accidentally drop your wedding ring down the drain. And Stan definitely didn't get his hand stuck in the drain trying to get it." Kyle said guiltily. Stan nodded.

"You dropped my wedding ring down the drain? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Sheila asked. Kyle looked at the ground.

"Seeing how long it would take to get something like that out of the drain." Kyle said. You could almost see smoke coming out of Sheila's ears.

"You, mister, are grounded. That means that I'm selling the Matisyahu tickets that I bought today." St this, Kyle grinned. He always hated the Jewish rapper with a burning passion.

"And YOU." She said, pointing to Stan. "You get your hand out of my drain and out of my house!" Sheila exclaimed before walking out of the room. Stan tried to pull his hand out of the drain, but he couldn't.

"It's stuck." Stan said. Kyle laughed and walked out of the room, leaving Stan there all alone.


	10. J is for Justice

**J is for Justice**

"So… are you trying to tell me this ISN'T your fingerprint on this bag of cheesy poofs?" Eric asked. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"That is my fingerprint, Cartman, but that only means that I HANDLED the bag, not that I ate your cheesy poofs." Stan responded. Cartman slammed the bag on the table.

"A LIKELY STORY! Your honor, if you were to examine the bag, you would see that Kyle's fingerprint are on the top of the bag, where you would hold the bag to OPEN it." Cartman said to Butters. Stan rolled his eyes.

"I DIDN'T OPEN YOUR CHEESY POOFS! They're not even yours!" Kyle exclaimed. Cartman sighed.

"Oh yes they are, Stan! Do you not see the 'Property of Eric Cartman' written in black sharpie on the bag?" Cartman asked. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"That could have been written after you collected the evidence. But I don't get why you're making such a HUGE fuss over a few cheesy poofs!" Kyle exclaimed. Eric gasped.

"You don't think it's IMPORTANT?" Cartman asked. Kyle huffed.

"Perhaps it is to YOU, but in any case, it's not the point at issue!" Kyle exclaimed. Eric grinned.

"The point… at what?" Eric asked slyly. Kyle sighed.

"At issue!" Kyle said.

"BLESS YOU!" Cartman exclaimed. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Cartman… just stop it before you embarrass yourself even more." Kyle said. Cartman looked at Butters.

"Milord, I would press for the longest possible sentence." Cartman said. Butters rubbed his knuckles together and then he adjusted his white wig.

"I-oh- get confused when I-uh speak in long sentences, fellas… OH! I see what you mean! Kyle, I sentence you to-uh…" Butters looked down at the paper he was holding and squinted to read the messy handwriting. "Uh… I think this says 'sucking Cartman's balls.'" Butters said. Eric nodded, and Butters picked up the meat cleaver and banged it on the desk. Cartman grinned and Kyle groaned.

"Not again." Kyle said. Cartman walked over to him and leaned towards his ear.

"Justice is served." Cartman whispered into his ear, and then he winked and walked away.


	11. K is for Kenny's Korner

**K is for Kenny's Korner**

_This chapter is dedicated to a 'special' friend. She and I spent a few minutes laughing and staring at corners one day, which is where the idea for this chapter came from… I LOVE YOU, 'SPECIAL' PERSON._

Kenny was sitting on his couch, which was old, had rips in it and smelled like piss. He was chewing gum and just staring at a corner. One might think he was disabled at first, but then after a few minutes, he bust out laughing. Ike came into the room and raised his eyebrow. Kenny was babysitting the little Canadian, and Ike didn't like it one bit. Kenny's house smelled like poo, unlike the normal smell of latkas cooking that Ike was used to.

"What's so funny, Kenny?" Ike asked. Kenny couldn't stop laughing, so he pointed to the corner. Ike rolled his little Canadian eyes.

"No, seriously Kenny, what's so funny?" Ike asked. Kenny stopped laughing and spat out his gum, which landed on the seat next to him.

"The corner… if you stare at it long enough, you get really amused!" Kenny said. Ike rolled his eyes again and decided to give it a go. He fixed his eyes on the corner and stared for about five minutes, and then…

"AHAHAHAHA!" Ike burst out laughing. Kenny grinned and picked up a cheesy poof that was on the floor and ate it. Ike eventually got his laughter down, but there were still tears streaming down his cheek (from the laughing).

"Kenny, where did you learn this?" Ike asked.

"My friend, B… uh… Emily… BEMILY! THAT'S THE ONE!" Kenny said. Ike stared at him and then shrugged it off. He found a gummy bear on the floor, so he picked it up and raised it.

"To Bemily, for introducing Kenny to the corner!" Ike said. Kenny grinned and picked up a rat that was on the floor.

"Cheers!" Kenny said.

_Thank you to my friend Emily for the idea and for letting me kinda, almost, close to, not really, no, sorta, somehow using her name. I love you, you broom breaker, you. GO AIR GUITAR WITH THE BROOM!_


	12. L is for the Way You Look at Me

**L is for the way you look at me**

Stan and Kyle were lying in their bed still out of breath from the amazing butt sex they'd been having. Stan was playing with Kyle's Jew fro while Kyle tried to get to sleep.

"Mmmm… Stan… stop it." Kyle muttered. Stan pouted and pulled his hand away, and then he let it drift a little lower.

"Stan… I'm too tired." Kyle said. Stan pulled his hand up and rested it on Kyle's chest.

"That better?" Stan asked. Kyle nodded.

"Mhm." Kyle said with a yawn. Stan sat there for a few minutes, trying to find something to do that wouldn't wake Kyle up, but he couldn't think of anything. He wanted Kyle awake.

"L is for the way you look at me." Stan sang. Kyle opened his eye a bit.

"Stan, stop it. I wanna sleep." Kyle whined. Stan grinned.

"O is for the only one I see." Stan sang. Kyle smacked his chest.

"Shut UP!" Kyle whined. Stan pouted.

"V is very, very, extraordinary." Stan sang. Kyle pulled his pillow over his head.

"STOP IT!" Kyle screamed. Stan grinned.

"E is even more than anyone that you adore." Stan sang. Kyle chucked the pillow at Stan.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Kyle yelled. Stan hugged Kyle's naked body as tightly as he could while Kyle tried to pull away.

"Love, is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two. Two, in love can make it, take my heart and please don't break it. Love was made for me and YOU!" Stan exclaimed. Kyle groaned.

"I'm up. You happy?" Kyle asked. Stan grinned.

"Ecstatic." He said, and then he leaned down and kissed Kyle.


	13. M is for My Favorite Things

**M is for My Favorite Things**

Kenny was walking down the street with Cartman. Kenny was happy because he hadn't died in a month, so he was humming a little happy tune. Cartman glared at him.

"AH! SHADDUP! THAT'S FUCKING ANNOYING!" Cartman yelled. Kenny looked at Cartman and grinned.

"I don't wanna." Kenny said. Cartman glared.

"I said SHADDUP!" Cartman exclaimed. Kenny grinned.

"Tits in magazines and pop tarts in toasters,  
Drugs in my body and drinks without coasters,  
Brown paper bags filled with happy little things,  
These are a few of my favorite things." Kenny sang. Cartman's face was getting red.

"OI! SHADDUP YOU FUCKING POOR ASS BASTARD!" Cartman yelled. Kenny started skipping down the street.

"White coloured powder and amber coloured drinks,  
Whores everywhere sending me plenty of winks,  
Money that flies with the moon on its wings,  
These are a few of my favorite things." Kenny ran into the middle of the street and started prancing around.

"When the viper bites,  
When the scorpion stings,  
When I'm a dead little lad,  
I simply remember my favorite things,  
And then I don't feel... so bad!" Kenny sang. Suddenly, an 18-wheeler drove by and smushed Kenny. Cartman grinned.

"Serves the stupid bastard right." Cartman said.

"Food in my plate and food in a bowl,  
Starbucks coffee and doughnuts with no hole,  
Greasy hamburgers and KFC chicken wings,  
These are a few of my favorite things." Cartman sang. Suddenly, Kyle and Stan came around the corner, hand-in-hand. As soon as they saw Cartman, they let go of each other.

"Pink coloured ice cream and red coloured jam,  
Thanksgiving turkey and Christmas ham,  
And never forget KFC's yummy chicken wings,  
These are a few of my favorite things.

When Kitty wants my pot pie,  
When the Jew sings,  
When I'm feeling sad,  
I simply remember my favorite things,  
And then I don't feel... so bad!" Cartman sang. He looked around and everyone was staring at him.

"You guys didn't stare when the poor little dyke sang." Cartman muttered. Kyle and Stan looked at each other and shrugged.

"Dreidles on gimmel and latkas in pans,  
Holding my non-jewish boyfriend's hand,  
Not letting Cartman have the last chicken wing,  
These are a few of my favorite things." Kyle sang. Stan grinned.

"You're such a fucking Jew." Stan said. Kyle smirked.

"And you love me for it." Kyle said.


	14. N is for NOT

**N is for NOT**

Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Cartman were at Cartman's house watching Borat. They had just finished the film and were talking about the movie.

"Dude, that movie was so racist towards jews!" Kyle exclaimed.

"I agree whole heartedly… NOT!" Cartman yelled. Kenny glared at Cartman.

"That's not nice." Kenny said. Cartman nodded.

"You're right. Kyle, I apologize… NOT!" Cartman exclaimed. Stan stood up.

"Dude, can't you just shut up?" Stan asked. Cartman nodded. It was quiet for a few seconds.

"NOT!" Cartman exclaimed. Kyle pulled his hat over his ears.

"Shut up!" Kyle yelled.

"Kyle, I love you, and all other jews. Jews are so great. I wish I were a jew." Cartman said. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Sure you do, Cartman." Kyle said. Cartman looked at Kyle.

"But I mean it, Kyle, I even have a song to prove it.

I could be some kind of doctor,  
or maybe even a lawyer,  
or somebody's accountant.

I'd have no foreskin;  
I'd be allowed to drink gin,  
if I only were a Jew

I'd be able to read the torah,

I'd eat potato latke,

With lots of sour cream,

I wouldn't eat milk and meat;  
I'd wear crocs on my feet,  
if I only were a jew.

Oh I could tell you why,  
Yud sounds like the letter Y,  
I'd have even more cash than I had before,  
and I'd save up to have some more.

I'd wear a little hat,  
I would be a little less fat,  
I'd play with a dreidle,

I would know Yakov Sassi;  
I'd like to watch Lassie,  
if I only were a jew!

… NOT!" Cartman yelled after he finished singing. Kyle sighed.

"I knew it was too good to be true." Kyle said. Suddenly, Cartman toppled over and fell on his head. The blow caused him to go unconscious. Kyle grinned.

"Not." Kyle said. Everyone started laughing.


	15. O is for Old Oreos

**O is for Old Oreos**

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon. Kids were outside playing, adults were smiling and watching their kids play, and Stan and Kyle were busy clearing out Stan's apartment and putting everything in a moving van. Kyle had finally asked Stan to move in with him, and Stan couldn't be happier. They had moved everything out except for the bed, which they were leaving there; no matter how many fond memories they had in it, and the stuff in the closet.

"You ready, man?" Kyle asked. Stan nodded and opened his closet. Instantly, a zillion little random things fell and buried the two.

"Stan! What the hell? When was the last time you cleaned this thing out?" Kyle asked. Stan shrugged.

"When I moved in?" Stan asked. Kyle sighed and shimmied his way out of the mess and started throwing things into piles.

"Okay, pile on the left is shit you'll never need so we can get rid of it. Pile on the right is stuff that you can't get rid of." Kyle said. Stan nodded and started chucking stuff into each pile. After a while, there were only a few little things left. Stan got up off the floor and stretched.

"Babe. I'm going to go get a beer. You want one?" Stan asked. Kyle looked up and grinned.

"Yup." Kyle responded. Stan turned around and Kyle slapped his ass. Stan snapped his head around.

"Hey! I'm still sore from last night!" Stan whined.

"Where's my beer, bitch?" Kyle asked teasingly. Stan rolled his eyes.

"Coming." Stan said, and then he went into the near-empty kitchen in search of beer. While he looked, Kyle decided to look through the rest of his closet. He found a ring pop, a stuffed dog and an old bag of cheesy poofs. He decided to search a little further in his boyfriends closet until he came across a box labeled 'Old Oreos'. Kyle raised his eyebrow. Why would Stan keep a box of old Oreos? Kyle shrugged it off and decided to open the box to get an Oreo. Only, the box wasn't filled with Oreos…

"STAN!" Kyle yelled. Stan came back into the room with two beers in his hands.

"Yeah?" Stan asked. Kyle picked up one of the things in the box.

"Jews Gone Wild? Care to explain?" Kyle asked. Stan blushed.

"That's not mine… holding it for a friend…" Stan said. Kyle glared.

"DUDE! That's my cousin Zohara on the cover! And her friend Noa! And Ariel! WHAT THE HELL?" Kyle yelled. Stan bit his lip.

"It's not mine. Ike gave it to me. He directed it." Stan said. Kyle groaned and looked back into the box.

"Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn… GOSH! IS OUR SEX LIFE THAT BORING?" Kyle yelled.

"No! I just like porn like any other red blooded male does!" Stan yelled. Kyle rolled his eyes and closed the box.

"Please tell me the wood chipper's still outside." Kyle muttered. Stan glared at him.

"Don't you dare! And stop acting like you're so innocent. I've seen your Cosmopolitan and Playboy magazines in your bathroom!" Stan exclaimed. Kyle shoved Stan against the wall and pressed his body against his and opened his mouth to talk back, but then Stan forced his lips on his. Kyle was shocked at first, but then he started to move his mouth with Stan's.

"Oh god, Stan… Stop it. The movers are gonna be coming in soon…" Kyle said. Stan reluctantly stopped and ducked under Kyle's arm.

"Until later." Stan said. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Stan opened it to see one of the movers.

"Everything packed?" The mover asked. Stan nodded.

"Everything that we're bringing with us." Stan responded. Kyle walked out of the room just as the mover was walking in.

"HEY! D'YOU GUYS MIND IF I TAKE AN OREO?" The mover asked.


	16. P is for Pineapple

**P is for Pineapple**

"NO! I DON'T WANNA EAT YOUR FUCKING PINEAPPLE!" Cartman yelled at the top of his lungs. He and Kenny were over at Stan and Kyle's apartment for supper, and they were moving onto desert.

"They have pineapples made specifically for that reason?" Kenny asked. Stan shook his head.

"Of course they do, Ken." Kyle said with a smile. Cartman wrinkled his nose in disgust. Kyle sighed.

"Cartman… I thought you said that you wanted desert?" Kyle asked. Cartman nodded.

"Yeah, I said that I want some fucking desert…" Cartman said. Stan grinned.

"Well… that's desert! Unless… you want something else?" Stan said seductively. Kyle rolled his eyes and lightly slapped his boyfriend's arm.

"What do you mean by… something else?" Cartman asked stupidly. Kenny, who had just bitten into his pineapple, spit it out and started laughing. Cartman sat there for a moment, and then looked at the happy couple, who were grinning like Cheshire cats.

"EW! NO! THAT'S GROSS! I'LL TAKE THE FUCKING PINEAPPLE!" Cartman yelled. Kenny looked down at his pineapple curiously.

"Hey guys. Would it hurt if I tried to shove the pineapple up my ass?" Kenny asked. Stan groaned.

"Just eat the fucking pineapple." Stan said. Kenny shrugged and started eating it, while Cartman was poking at his with his spork.

"You know, Cartman. Pineapple DOES make semen taste better." Kyle said with a hint of a grin.

"How do you… AH! MAN! THAT'S FUCKING NASTY!" Cartman exclaimed, pushing himself away from the table. Unfortunately, he pushed to hard, and fell off his chair. The table chose that moment to give out, and the entire contents of the table (1 and a half cut up pineapples) fell on him. It was silent for a moment, and then everyone started laughing, except for Cartman, who had pineapple all over his face.

"SCREW YOU GUYS! I'M GOING HOME!" Cartman yelled. He then got up, and did as he said he would, minus the screwing the guys. Because none of them would allow it, even if he meant it.


End file.
